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Arrianne is for Sale
Stripped to the Soul
On the afternoons we hang around the garden breathing precious fresh air.Collapse )

these are the things that make me feel: happy happy

FiNgEr Me
I got really bored so I started another LJ, intending to not friend any of you guys. Not that I got bored with you. (Please, that would never be the case. ;))
I wanted to see, if Im capable of making frieds, turned out I was. Only I wasnt as comfortable writing with them than with you.

So Im giving you all a hug. XOXOXOXOXOXOXO ;)
I missed you guys so much.

A lot of people left and not a lot were added. I hope those I have right now would stay longer. Im back! ;)

these are the things that make me feel: crazy crazy

FiNgEr Me
theres nothing more to say.

these are the things that make me feel: content thumbs up!

FiNgEr Me
i am going to cut my hair short and dye it red RED!
i am going to eat ice cream to my hearts content
to hell with Oprah and Tom Greene and thier change-how-you-live-your-life-lose-wieght-now shit
im going to sing/scream on the neighborhood karaoke
too bad for all those other call center peeps trying to get sleep
im going to be awake for 48 straight hours!

becuase today i no longer am a teenager. now i have no excuse to be emo.

these are the things that make me feel: loved old

FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me
we have been on for almost a month now, and there was not a night that i slept in my new room without him sleeping beside me.

love story: day 28Collapse )
almost everytime id wake up and i would find him smolthered into my breasts. he tells me he feels the best when he is. he says, he wishes to stay like that forever. a smile and a tear would line an eye because i know i wish the same.

these are the things that make me feel: thoughtful ...

FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me
how do you tell somebody you care so much about that, he has std, that he has infected you, that you cant bare but get through it by yoursef and that you cant have sex (something that you enjoy immensly together) anymore?

these are the things that make me feel: worried worried

FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
paradise number 2 ;)
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these are the things that make me feel: loved !!! ; )

FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me
congratulate me.
ive finally found a guy who doesnt care about big boobs.
instead he loves the way i laugh at all his corny jokes and finds my hands sexy.
but get this: AHT of 60 minutes per pumping session. hahaha! ;)

i wasnt able to seduce him so, after an ample of supply of alcohol in the blood and the head, a straight confession in a convinsingly shaky voice, of ardent admiration and lust, i decided to kiss him.

in the afterglow of it he would embrace me and kiss my face until im lost in dreams. and when the firsts of the sunlight come peaking through my eyelids his hands are still there, locked around me.

now i know how it feels to wake up to somebody's lips on my forehead,
and how beautifull eyes could be after they open from a long kiss.
can you tell?

these are the things that make me feel: loved im inlove

FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me


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sitting on: imagine imagine imgine....
these are the things that make me feel: accomplished accomplished

FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me
the heat is killing me.
thats the down side of having to sleep during the day. i dont get to enjoy the comfort of the cool breeze that the night brings. so instead of waking up at 5pm, the heat would wake me up at 12nn muttering before i open my eyes, "where the fuck has the roof gone to?"
it would feel like the sun is blaring directly down on me and the little room would start being a microwave.

so i get up and out the room to pee, and lo and behold him asleep on this favorite couch (situated rignt outside my door) sans shirt, sans jeans but definitly NOT sans erection.

lord... i though my fantasies of straddling him on that couch everytime i see him sleeping there were the works of a perverted mind but HOW.CAN.I.HELP.IT?

so i stand there awed for millisecond, then i immediately draw back in a jerk, close my room's door, lean on it and breathe...

i look at the bed and i think, "when am i going to get laid again?" and depression sets in.

but then again it just might be the heat.

these are the things that make me feel: horny rawr

FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me
i am currently a fan of another love team. ;)

bwahhahahahaha! ; )

they are both undoubtedly male by the way. and my fixation with hemogenous relationships just makes me wonder more of my sexual preference.

i asked Jeub one time: if i prefer those who prefer the same sex what does that make me?
he said, he doesnt know. and that is scary, given that Jeub always has a theory for everything.

or is it time to visit the freak hospital again?


punkboy: asl?
Arrianne^^: 19fcebu
punkboy: hi ate!!! :)
punkboy: do you have kid sister?

Arrianne: NO!

i feel so old. -_-"
ill be turning 20 this august and im dont have school in mind. i feel like a hamster dead stuck on running in a spinning wheel goin nowhere.
middle age crisis? but im barely am adult. i want to be go back to playing slipper game and rubber bands and sand and rocks and sucking candy and not brushing and picking my nose in public. i want to throw way by business casual crap and buy new flip flaps and sneakers and drink till i drop.
i want a steady boyfriend i cant fuck.
i want a room i have to share with my sisters.
i want my mom to tell me once just once "no you cant do that"
and for once i want to say, "ok"
and i want her to call me ang baby kong tambok instead of will you pay K-ann's tuition this comming semester?

maybe i should move back in with my parents? and resign?

this hamster is having trouble waking up.

these are the things that make me feel: pensive ...

FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me
moving out, desperate diets and shame and scandalCollapse )

some people dont know what to risk and what not to risk, and what things are worth risking things for.

these are the things that make me feel: blank ...

FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me
sa tinood lang ala ko kamao asa ko mag sud s2rya nimo!
but gs2 lang ko sori if g-dali² tika! ala man ko bad intentions bah!
xnxa lang jud ka nako!
maybe nahan lang jud kai ko nimo mao ako na xa nabuhat!
pro if d pa jud ka ready ok ra! naa ra bitaw ko diri!
tx lang nako if d ka loaded!
amfeng permi!

baby im a lying selfish bitch.
i had the nerve to use you and lead you on and i cant even tell you straight up that im not feeling what youre feeling.
i know i hurt you. and trust me i know how it feels.

you dont deserve me.

these are the things that make me feel: sad sorry

FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me
my nose bled today.
i bent over to shampoo my hair and big splats of blood started appearing on the white scrubbed floor of our outdoor bath and toilet makeshift.

water from my body flowed to my feet and they gradually washed the stains away. i immediately started pouring water to get rid of the sods and wrapped the towel around my body. by the time i reached my room the towel was half red.

blood always made me panic. You see, i bleed hard and fast and long. The last time i lost blood it was from a small but deep cut on my finger. And my Mom got paler than me. She's the Teacher Nurse tending first grade students for 8 years and shes used to seeing kids cut and bleed and crack but she says i bleed like i lost a limb.

so i braced myself before i looked at the mirror.

blood flowed freely from my nostrils, cascading moustache-like to my mouth and then down to my neck and then between my breats. But panic wasnt what i felt then... it was odd detachment.

pretty much the same way i felt seeing him again after all these months.
his hair has grown long, cut to nothing and has grown shaggy again since he left me standing on that dark ally. Too hurt to cry...

our elbows touched when he tried to copy my impulse to put both hands at the back of my head when i think of something interesting to say and the usual spark of electricity wasnt there anymore. we forked pizza slice after pizza slice and made small talk over jobs and sleeping habits and crushes and dining manners and looked at him from behind the pizza slices and i couldnt recall what it was that made me burn horny about that slight shy smile and that reflex to wet his lips. we smoked after and i felt bored. and when the long hand of the clock neared 12 i was relieved.

he didnt kiss me goodbye. and i wasnt dissappointed.

on second thought... i was. My first love (or whatever it was) was such a waste.

and here comes another Prince Charming to save the Lady pretending to be in distress. The leaning on his shoulder and the wraping of my fingers around his were automatic. I had to mentally note not to say "i love you" after every text message. I wish he knows im not letting it grow any deeper.

Remember City of Angels? Great sacrifices and great expectations based on the heart is bullshit.

these are the things that make me feel: angry angry

FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me
no harsher way to destroy foolish romantic dreams than saying, no, we never did made love. it was only plain fucking.
and if he doesnt know what love really is, then he just included me to the club.

some people never change...
and its just too bad that i fell in love with one.

he asked me, "why arent you plotting revenge againts me? are you still hoping something good would happen between us?"

maybe i did...
but the whole encounter just reaffirmed what i should have realized a long time ago... hes a bastard. and he wouldnt be good for anything else except sex and heartbreak.

these are the things that make me feel: crushed crushed

FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me
our puppies finally died.
Mama tied them outside with wire for dislike of having to the scrub the floors again of thier shit. it rained and sunned and the poor poor puppies werent even given water.
what do you fuckin expect?
before she slept, Mama told me, she noted that they were deing, and she wasnt at all surprised in the morning when she found the wires taut and unmoving.
the bodies were nowhere in sight. the wires led deep into the holes were rats were believed to live, so when the wires wouldnt give when pulled considerably hard Mama decided to dig the hole instead for fear of severing the puppies' heads and whalla! Puppies cold stiff, mouths and stomachs open, and puppy guts missing.
bloody rats.
Pawpaw was nothing but sweet.
We hung-out in his crib with his little niece, and talk about anatomy, watch porn and well... (bet you already know)
Ive never slept on a guys shoulder in a jeepney before, and his was hard and soft in equal proportions. exactly how i want it. and i napped all the way home. its such a shame we only get to be together during the weekends.
hes been assuming since the start that we have an official relationship goin on, and it always exasperates me everytime i remind him we dont. i do miss him a lot, even though ive only said goodbye to him two minutes ago... *sigh*

do i see raised eyebrows of those who read my previous posts?
yeah, i admit, Tommy has a lot to do with me not commiting to anything. Its not a secret. Hell hes all over my friendster account but Pawpaw had not mentioned him once. i didnt have the heart and the energy to bring that subject up too.
work is getting boring and even though i sleep half the day i still feel like i dont have enough of it.
at least, i think im going somewhere with my diet.

these are the things that make me feel: confused *pout*

FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me
there wasnt a day the past week that i didnt have at least an hour's OT.
yep, i love my job. ;)

i received a WOW! ;)
(a wow is when a customer actually asks for the supervisor so he/she can tell the supervisor how excellent a customer service assossiate you are.)
3 weeks on the floor as a two split agent and a wow. wow! ;)


cheez... sex isnt as amazing as it should be.
i desperately have to have sex with someone im head over heals inlove with.


im beginning to be addicted to gay erotica.
i still wish to have a penis.


was able to clean my room. mom got me new curtains. ;)
rearrange my books by author.
had lechon for breakfast,lunch and dinner. ;)


i miss Tommy. ;(

my new schedule is preventing me from meeting him online.
i really dont have anything pressing to say...

sweets, i know life is being its usual sucky self and i know youre pretty down. i cant do much about your circumstances but know that i feel your pain.
if you think the time that we hadnt talked somehow lessened my longing for you, know that it hadnt one bit.
i still dream about you swimming across the pacific to me. waiting on the beach, wearing sparkly lip gloss and a towel over my shoulder ill be waiting for you patiently, a bed in a near by hotel room warm and ready, so when you finally reach the shore ill be able to kiss you and serve you and show you all the lovin that until then weve only been able to imagine... fantasize about.

we'll skip to vegas, wake a priest or a judge up in the middle of the night and get married and get tatooes instead of rings.

we'll stay on a small cottage near a meadow far away from the city. away from work, school and sucky urban living. it would be like a fairy tale. we'll make love and make love and make love and make love and make love.
and in the morning, i would wake up on your chest heaving and relaxing, ill look up to you face and see you smiling in your sleep and know that your dreaming of me.
and if right thre and then, the earth opens up to swallow the bed, the cottage, or even the pacific with us, i wouldnt regret or dispair about a thing. because i die knowing i love. and that i am loved.

i love you Tommy. :) mwah!

these are the things that make me feel: flirty inlove

FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me

i was told that everytime you cross a bridge for the first time, you hold your breath until you get to the end of it and then make a wish. guese what my wish was. ;)

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we went right under the falls and the water could get so painfull when it hits your shoulders and head, but it felt strangely relaxing. wish i could take everyone there. ;)

these are the things that make me feel: ecstatic ecstatic
earworm: happy!!!

FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me
im not used to happiness.
to lust, to bliss i am.
but to happiness... no.

the fact that sudden realization that i am letting myself fall so fast and without mind freaks me out maybe logical...

but i never want him to take his i love you's back.
and i never would want him to stop.
FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me
"so you really are into mr. cybersex huh?"
"his name is tommy. and no, even if i wanted to we never did had cybersex."
"oh?" he raised his eyebrows with mock shock and disbelief. "didnt turn you on, did he?"
"he does turn me on. havent felt like this since... a long time"
he was silent for a while... just looking down on his coffee. and then:
"what is this about this guy half around the world making you happy like this. ive been so close to you and God knows im trying... why cant i get you to give me one genuine smile? im beginning to hate you"

it was just as good that he has already finished his cigarette. and the crowd nearby all sighed thier dismay on the break ending so soon, cause.. i didnt know what to say.

these are the things that make me feel: confused confused

FiNgErS + FiNgEr Me